tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852618309954773158.post3565290614242178871..comments2023-04-10T07:19:31.065-05:00Comments on Life in the fast lane - in a slow car...: The Golden RuleCheri (aka "The Mom Lady")http://www.blogger.com/profile/12447915936118039074noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852618309954773158.post-91497677391411653272008-06-16T11:02:00.000-05:002008-06-16T11:02:00.000-05:00Hi Em - I used to joke that if you're going to hav...Hi Em - I used to joke that if you're going to have an argument with your spouse, be sure to do it after sunset so you have a good 20 hours to hash it out ("do not let the sun go down on your anger"). There is obviously a different dynamic involved when you're talking about the marriage relationship vs. the parent-child relationship. In the parent-child relationship, there is the an inequality of sorts, if I can call it that, in that the parent (HOPEFULLY!) is more mature and experienced, charged with developing, leading, guiding the young, formable child into responsible adulthood. And the child is to learn from and look up to the parent for guidance and example as they mature and grow towards adulthood.<BR/><BR/>With marriages, the battle of wills may still be the same to some extent but the "playing ground" is level - and we get into trouble when we revert BACK to "being the child" in those situations. Anger is inevitable if you are FULLY invested in your marriage relationship - it is actually a "symptom" that you have passion and CARE about the relationship. But having said that, one of the greatest things you can do for your child growing up is to teach them conflict resolution. I think having unacknowledged conflict in a marriage is more dangerous than a full-waged war. Refusing to admit to your children that anything is wrong is a disservice. Now I'm not advocating burdening your children with intimate details of your conflict or inviting them to "weigh in" (especially, horrors!! to get them to side with one of the parents over the other - I've seen this done - awful, awful...) but if children KNOW that conflicts occur and witness a good example of how to resolve it, they have a skill that will help them in EVERY aspect of their life - marriage, employee, church relationships, etc.<BR/><BR/>Things are inevitably said in anger. And when that happens, especially if the children are witness to the same, heartfelt apologies must be made and loving resolution exhibited. It's important for kids to know that mistakes are going to be made but that we have a way back from them - they do NOT have to define us - and we can grow stronger and wiser from them. <BR/><BR/>Also, in the marriage relationship, our spouse IS us, and WE are they - according to scripture, even though we try to separate the two constantly - we are one flesh. We are one unit. Perhaps thinking of it in that way will help keep us from "self-flagulation" of angry words. Easier said than done though, easier said than done.Cheri (aka "The Mom Lady")https://www.blogger.com/profile/12447915936118039074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852618309954773158.post-41319846037535939582008-06-16T07:53:00.000-05:002008-06-16T07:53:00.000-05:00Hear hear! Thanks for the thoughts! I always enj...Hear hear! <BR/><BR/>Thanks for the thoughts! I always enjoy getting prospectives from "veteran" parents. <BR/><BR/>I've actually been thinking a lot about the golden rule lately, in it's context within a marriage. A friend of mine was talking to me about where you draw the line in what you say (in anger) to your spouse. At the time, I said 'Don't sin in your anger." But it's so much more than that. We're charged to love others MORE than we love ourselves, and treat them better than we want to be treated. <BR/><BR/>It's something to strive for in our Christian lives!Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10794436699607588876noreply@blogger.com